A Stretch

Women very often try to emotionally negotiate with the beauty hierarchy in ways that are so transparent they become almost fascinating.

One of the most interesting examples is the moment a group decides to declare "the most beautiful" woman someone who looks completely different from the woman around whom the strongest consensus would realistically exist.

And no, this very often does not happen because that second woman is genuinely perceived as objectively the most beautiful. Much more often, it is a psychological defense mechanism.

Because if you manage to place a less threatening woman at the top of the hierarchy, the entire structure suddenly becomes emotionally easier to tolerate. If the "most beautiful" woman is someone who does not actually feel unreachable to you, someone closer to your type, your aesthetic, or your position, then it becomes very easy to tell yourself: "Well honestly, I'm still prettier than her." And suddenly, psychologically, you are no longer that far away from the top yourself.

It is a very elegant trick of the ego, and a very transparent one. Especially among women, there is a constant need for the beauty hierarchy to remain emotionally manageable. People function much more comfortably when they feel relatively close to the ideal than when they clearly feel a massive distance between themselves and the woman who produces the strongest effect in the room.

And that is exactly why strange collective negotiations with reality begin to happen. Suddenly, the "most beautiful" woman becomes the one who is "interesting," "different," "authentic," "cool," "unusual," "not classically beautiful," or "has something about her."

And of course, sometimes people genuinely do prefer unconventional beauty. Of course taste is not completely mathematical and individual differences absolutely exist. But the problem begins when people start behaving as if individual preference automatically erases obvious patterns in human perception. That is where the entire thing starts becoming slightly ridiculous.

Because very often you are not looking at an honest aesthetic opinion. You are looking at psychological mathematics. You are looking at someone trying to organize the hierarchy in a way that makes their own position feel emotionally safer inside it.

And that is exactly why people often feel the need to insist that the woman around whom the strongest consensus exists is somehow "boring." Suddenly she is too "basic." Too "Instagram." Too "expected." Too "perfect." And then comes the almost performative glorification of the woman who feels less hierarchically threatening, because that choice creates a much more emotionally comfortable position for everybody participating in the game.

Because if she is the top of the beauty hierarchy, then maybe you are not that far away either, and that becomes psychologically soothing very quickly.

Especially today, when people are desperate to appear less superficial, more intelligent, more sophisticated, and somehow "above" conventional beauty standards. That is why it has become very fashionable to declare unconventional beauty superior not only aesthetically but almost morally. As if choosing the obviously beautiful woman automatically signals shallowness, while choosing the "interesting" woman suddenly proves depth, intelligence, and uniqueness.

And sometimes that preference is genuine, but very often it is not. Very often, you are simply watching someone trying to emotionally reduce the distance between themselves and the top of the hierarchy.

Because people tolerate systems much more easily when they can imagine themselves somewhere near the top. What they tolerate much worse is the feeling that another woman naturally produces a level of reaction, fascination, or attention they themselves will never create. And that is when the mind begins negotiating. Maybe she is not actually the most beautiful. Maybe she is "overrated." Maybe she is "too obvious." Maybe she is "without character." Maybe she is "too perfect." And then, completely coincidentally, the most beautiful woman suddenly becomes someone who feels much safer for comparison.

And what makes the entire thing especially funny is that people often think they are genuinely changing reality by doing this. As if enough essays about subjectivity, enough performative contempt toward conventional beauty, and enough insistence on alternative standards will somehow reorganize the way human beings instinctively react to certain features.

It won't. You can philosophize as much as you want. You can explain how everything is subjective. You can declare a completely different type of woman the absolute peak of beauty simply because that hierarchy feels emotionally more comfortable to you, but that's really a stretch.

LuLu